That's one way to come in. You might be interested in renting some dancing girls doing "sexydances"---not sexy dances---to walk you out.
In that January 7, 2008 post, only the 79th in this site's history, I gave an unsophisticated little talk about western-ish wedding ceremonies in Korea, admittedly never having had one myself:
Well, nowadays the trend for Western-ish trappings at weddings is so entrenched that people are just keeping up with the Kims. The Western-ish ceremony is just for show, anyway, not only a display of wealth but also an opportunity to reenact the stereotypes associated with Westerners and their exotic rituals (ceremony, photographs, and sex). The white gown is just part of an elaborate costume party marketed as the height of sophistication.
In those days I rarely got comments, but A.S. was nice enough to stop by and write:
I think the problems foreigners have with Korean weddings arise when we judge them within the context of our own wedding traditions. It looks like a western style wedding, but it's not. Pizza is a good example too.
I mentioned pizza earlier in that post, and if you read my interview in the Moon Living Abroad in South Korea guidebook you might recall I said, in response to a question about why I chose to live in Jeollanam-do over places more favored among foreign teachers:
I actually spent a year in Bundang, a trendy district in a satellite city of Seoul, before coming down here. Looking back, I think it was actually a little more, well, culture shocking going to Bundang than Jeollanamdo because of the appearance of close similarity up there. I'm sure there's a proper term for it, but the closest I can get is to say, "Look up 'Uncanny Valley' and apply it to Christmas, coffee, and pizza."
In the February 2010 post introducing the guidebook I added:
. . . I happen to think that plenty of expats---not including the immature and the maladjusted---react just fine to the unfamiliar "Korean" aspects of the country. It's the things that at first glance look familiar---Christmas, pizza, English, "westernization"---that are the most jarring.
You can apply "Uncanny Valley" to our perceptions of Korea's "western" weddings, too.
11 comments:
Of course we're going to judge Korean weddings in the context of our own. Isn't that normal? Comparing something new to something we are more familiar with is how we learn about many things. You'd have to be a new born baby, or someone with amnesia to do it how A.S. implies. I think the problem is not with comparing, but with drawing negative conclusions just because something is different.
My impressions of Korean weddings (I've been to four, always in a wedding hall ... maybe the church ones are different) are largely poor. I've seen bubble machine wedding cakes, ushers dressed as pirates, the bride and groom riding into the room on a cable car in the shape of a golden carriage with a smoke machine billowing clouds into the audience. I've noticed guests rudely pushing themselves through the congregation to a get a 2 minute glimpse of the couple before pushing their way out again; a dozen guests heading to the buffet just as the ceremony starts; not to mention the chatter and telephone conversations throughout the whole ceremony.
If I woke up from a coma without my previous memories, I guess I'd find these weddings standard. But having been to a great many weddings back in Canada, I found that the Korean ones I've seen here were kitschy, hurried affairs, largely devoid of the emotion and atmosphere I thought should be present at such an important occasion.
The ajumma pushing her way through was unbelievably rude of course, but what makes it all the worse is the obliviousness to being rude.
I just saw a Korean tv show about etiquette at a fancy western restaurant. The things they were doing weren't so much about etiquette but more lessons in how to be pretentious. Twirling the wine in the glass, sniffing it, giving the waiter a nod of satisfaction, all in the most ostentatious manner possible. Basically shit that would make you look like a fucking idiot.
When the meat course was served there was a lesson in just cutting off one piece at a time rather than cutting the whole steak up into pieces at once. This was a valuable lesson, I have to admit, but the funniest part was when the guy took his first bite.
He says, "just cut off a little bit... and let's see how this tastes..." He pops it in his mouth, chews it once or twice, then turns to the camera and starts talking about how really good it tastes chewing all the while, his mouth wide open! You could actually see the meat just bouncing around inside his mouth as he prattled on. Again just oblivious. What are you going to do?
You know, those could be friends of the bride and their performance is their "gift" to her. Usually they just sing or play music, but maybe she was part of a dance club at university.
I'm going to my first wedding next week and plan on making a video of the whole experience. I wonder if I'll catch anything bizarre on tape.
The first Brian isn't me, as you'll see by clicking on our profiles. Do you have a different ID you can use when commenting on this site? Thanks, from the Brian [formerly] in Jeollanam-do.
The Central Scrutinizer, that sounds absolutely classic, thanks for sharing, and I'll have to try and dig that clip up. Then again, a lot of western restaurants in Korea exist entirely for the purpose of pretension.
I'm getting married in July, in what is for Korea a pretty classy venue (Myeongdong Cathedral) and I have to say that my experience of wedding hall weddings is causing me many sleepless nights. I am very concerned that too much Korean-wedding-style behaviour will bring the delicate balance of niceness crashing down around our ears as mobile phones go off hither and thither and gangs of young trainee-ajeosshis gather at the back and sides to loudly greet their acquaintances and compete over who has the shiniest suit. I'm striving to approach the whole thing with good humour but I tell you, these Koreans make it fucking difficult. I don't know what it is that bothers me so deeply but it really gets at something that is central to my core values.
My rule is that when you see someone swirling their wine more than tasting it, they're full of pretentious crap. And, yes, the hard part about being a food blogger (if there ever is a hard part) is sifting through all the awful pretentious restaurants to find something simple and good.
But some folks are impressed by that stuff.
Went to a wedding hall ceremony last week in Gyeongju for my wife's sister. We were trying to stifle our laughs at the cheesiness. My wife envied her sister's white dress, but as the ceremony progressed, she repeated, "Our wedding was better than that."
The best weddings are the ones where your guests have the most fun.
"I don't know what it is that bothers me so deeply but it really gets at something that is central to my core values."
And with that off he marched down the aisle, but in the distance thunder cracked and reverberated and storm clouds began to gather on the horizon.
The dancing girls video is I think the middle part of a triptych. The first video is of a cable car bringing the bride and groom into the room. The women hand the groom roses and congratulate him. The bride remains silent.
The last one might be best described as the bride's revenge. Her best friend sings the newlyweds a little song and does a bit of a booty dance. Her singing voice leaves a bit to be desired.
I guess it's a different culture but the handful of Korean weddings I've been to, people pretty much talk and take cell phone calls through the ceremony. As long as Koreans have no problems with that, hey, more power to you.
The most horrifying tradition I've seen is the after wedding party, usually I think with the groom's friends. It's held at a pub. The groom is given a banana and two cherries (a fruit cock and balls) and its placed in his crotch. The bride then, using only her mouth, has to eat the ensemble. The grooms friends cheer her on.
I guess it's a bit like the removing of the garter but a little more direct.
I love that ajumma wedding video!
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