I'm of two minds about this, at this point. When it first happened, I was infuriated. Who does something like that? I've been looking forward to this vacation for an age, with visions of me playing Thomas Fowler in a gorgeous hotel room overlooking a main road, waking a little late in the mornings and drinking strong Vietnamese coffee at a table outside on my imaginary hotel's imaginary veranda overlooking an imaginary busy, scenic Vietnamese street. I would then spend the day wandering around and taking in the various cities, not bothering with anything too touristy or pressurized, basically just trying to soak up the place in whatever way struck my fancy that day. Time alone. To unwind and decompress from the continuing uphill pace of life in the ROK.
Now I've got a middle-aged Korean tagalong. What in the hell am I going to do with her?
She started a thread on Dave's ESL Cafe as well:
Long story short, one of my old, married co-teachers has decided she's coming on my trip to Vietnam with me this winter vacation. I don't particularly mind the woman, but this is my vacation time and I travel alone for a reason.
Before everyone jumps in with their helpful "just say no and tell her to shove it" advice.... obviously, if that was my style, I wouldn't be asking for advice to begin with.
Anyway, read the rest of the post for more, as well as Diana E's comments on her Going Places blog.
15 comments:
Um. I don't see what this personal isolated incident/situation has to do with Korea. haha. Interesting situation though. Why did you post this?
AK, thanks for your concern about what I post on my own site, but since it happened in Korea to a teacher here I thought it was worth sharing.
There really isn't anything to say about this. Just that it is quite funny and sad for both parties. But nothing to connect it to Korea other than it happened to a person here as you say. haha
There's only one solution... Lie. Mom/Dad back in the homeland gets sick. Sorry but Vietnam trip canceled have to back to parents. Go to Vietnam on your own.
Thanks for the hat tip, Brian.
AK,
I found the cultural issues at play in both the Dave's thread and Picasso's own analysis to be quite interesting. I've experienced many Koreans inviting themselves into my plans (though none nearly so extreme), and it's something that wouldn't happen at home in quite the same way or for quite the same reasons.
Diana- Yes, this is an isolated extreme case and most Koreans wouldn't do this to other Koreans. Most Koreans are just trying to be extra friendly to non-Koreans to help them adapt to the idea of being alone I guess. Cultural differences.
Definitely the weirdest co-teacher story I've ever heard.
As I mentioned on the OP's blog, I think she needs to stand up for herself here. If she really wants to please her coteacher and by extension her school---which she's not forced to do, by the way---I think she ought to remind her coteacher why she wants to, and will, take this Vietnam trip alone, but suggest they travel somewhere in Korea together this winter vacation. Go someplace off the beaten path, or go to a resort, or something.
AK, I wasn't suggesting, nor was anybody, that this is typical of Koreans or of coteachers. It just happens I found the story interesting. That's probably the last time I'll justify my decision to post something on my own site, so let's not make a habit out of it. This site has always been about posting stuff I find interesting . . . it just so happens that it's grown over time, and that others are reading it, but I'm not beholden to anybody else's interests here.
Diana, actually, I've never had any Koreans invite themselves into my plans, so I'm surprised to hear it's happened to you. In any event, I like what you had to say on your own post.
But I'll reiterate that this is bizarre and, frankly, unacceptable. It's not a coteacher asking if she could go, or suggesting that she'd like to go, but inviting herself along. Cultural difference, perhaps, but one I think I'm No Picasso would be justified in bringing up. Why burden herself with trying to create a fun vacation for two people?
As a person who also enjoys traveling alone, if such a colleague invited themselves along, I wouldn't be rude about it and tell them off, or lie about a relative getting sick (as one commenter suggested), or whatever.
That person can spend their vacation the way they wish, just as I can. If they wish to "tagalong" I can't exactly stop them.
Of course, having said that, I wouldn't change my plans or the way I wish to travel. As Diana said, "I would then spend the day wandering around and taking in the various cities, not bothering with anything too touristy or pressurized, basically just trying to soak up the place in whatever way struck my fancy that day." I wouldn't change that plan at all. In fact, many times I have no plans at all and just hop on a random intercity bus and go where it takes me.
Now, if the tagalong wishes to do that, then I have someone to share the adventure. If they don't, they can do the typical touristy things on their own. It's not up to me to change MY plans in order to accommodate someone who was not even invited to be there.
Wow, that would be ... awkward. I too like travelling alone, and prefer to have as much control as possible over where and when I go. A coworker just inviting themselves along is something that's never happened to me, in Korea or elsewhere, and would make me very uncomfortable.
Maybe not so isolated. I was surprised to see how many other teachers said the same thing on that eslcafe thread, e.g,.
http://forums.eslcafe.com/korea/viewtopic.php?t=173518&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=75
>I had this exact same thing happen to me last Chusok. One of the teachers invited herself along and rang the travel agent and CHANGED my booking/flight to an hour later.....my director telling her the travel agent i use...
I was speechless when she told me....especially as i had never socialised with her so i thought id mention that this is just a boys trip, and im not comfortable with her going especially as my girlfriend wasnt.
I thought that was the end of it, until one of my co-workers asked her why shes going as its a boys trip and she said...oh chris considers me one of the boys.
In the end i had to be blunt, said im sorry this trip is for me to get away from work and im going with some friends and she cant come. The next day she told me"chris i cant come on your trip, i have other plans" (the saving face thing...and that was it)
Ok, so maybe a FEW isolated incidents then..lol...and we all know that the people over at Dave's are standup characters
Brian wrote:
"This site has always been about posting stuff I find interesting . . . it just so happens that it's grown over time, and that others are reading it, but I'm not beholden to anybody else's interests here."
Amen.
I have seen similar discussions on other blogs I enjoy reading. It seems that with rising popularity comes an expectation, by some, that a blog becomes public property, as it were, and should conform to the expectations of readers. This is, of course, utter poppy-cock.
Thanks Brian for posting the story.
Grow a pair of nuts and say "no".
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